Merry-Go-Round

Love, oh, love. I hear it makes the world go round. Round and round. Like a merry-go-round. It’s beautiful, you know? Being that connected to someone. Feeling that presence. Hearing that heartbeat. Seeing that smile. Wait, even feeling those feelings. It does make the world go round. Round and round. But for some and increasingly more, just still. Still like the chains that bound the swings had never moved. Just still. 

See, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around some senseless things. Like how you can move from looking at someone’s son and wanting his babies, to one day just stabbing him to death. Or how you can love another’s daughter, and put a ring on it, then one day burning her and your children alive. Just how you can carry a child and endure months of pregnancy and childbearing labor, then strangling them with your own hands and throwing them in a pit. See, I’ve been trying to make sense of this love that just stands still. 

Wasn’t it a beautiful thing? This love. Once upon a time. When you decided you wanted it. So hear me when I ask, what changed? Why did you stop caring? At what point did you decide that all that you held good and dear is nothing? When did it stop mattering? Tell me, did you decide in a day? To make it all go away. To make it disappear. Or did you tolerate the idea for much longer? Even now, for you, what really is it that you want to make disappear? Is it the people, their actions or just the hollow nothingness in your heart? At the end of it, at the end of them, I’m curious, do you feel free? Are you now free?

So now, look at your sword. Look as the blood drips, drop by drop, and sips into the soil. Look even at the lumpy lifeless body you’re holding in your hands. Are you happy now? Are you one problem less? Was it worth it? Is this the battle you wanted to fight? Let’s say, yes, something needed to change. Let’s say the burden was too heavy or the anger too real. Nevertheless, is this the only way you knew how to fight? What were you fighting for in the first place? Was it for peace or respect or control or power or money? Indulge me, was there no other way to get this? 

Someone said the real warriors are the ones who are fighting things that we have no idea about. I say, maybe it’s time to open up and share these things so we can fight together. Don’t let it get that bad. Don’t allow it to go there. Maybe you’ve been fighting alone for so long. Maybe you forgot why you’ve been fighting and why you needed to fight. Maybe there is a better way to lighten these burdens, to solve these problems. So first things first, start by speaking up. Then whoever or whatever makes you smile, move a little closer in that direction. Day by day, you’ll find the love and light for your life in your heart. Always in your heart. But first, speak up. 

 

 

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