Love, oh, love. I hear it makes the world go round. Round and round. Like a merry-go-round. It’s beautiful, you know? Being that connected to someone. Feeling that presence. Hearing that heartbeat. Seeing that smile. Yes, feeling those feelings. It does make the world go round. Round and round. But for some people and increasingly more, just still. Still like the chains that bound the swings to the merry-go-round had never moved. Still like that heart-pounding at the sight of their beloved had never happened. Just still.
See, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around some senseless things. Like how you can move from looking at someone’s son and wanting his babies, to one day just stabbing him to his death. Or how you can love another’s daughter, and put a ring on it, then one day burn her and your four children alive. Just how you can carry a child and endure months of pregnancy and childbearing labor, then strangle them with your own hands and throw them in a pit latrine. See, I’ve been trying to make sense of this love that just stands still.
Wasn’t it a beautiful thing? This love. Once upon a time. When you decided you wanted it. So hear me when I ask, what changed? Why did you stop caring? At what point did you decide that all that you held good and dear is nothing? When did it stop mattering? Tell me, did you decide in a day? To make it all go away. To make it disappear. Or did you tolerate the idea for much longer? Even now, for you, what really is it that you want to make disappear? Is it the people, their actions or just the hollow nothingness in your heart? At the end of it, at the end of them, I’m curious, do you really become free?
So now, look at your sword. Look as the blood drips, drop by drop, and sips into the soil. Look even at the lumpy lifeless body you’re holding in your hands. Are you happy now? Are you one problem less? Was it worth it? Is this the battle you wanted to fight? Let’s say, yes, something needed to change. Let’s say the burden was too heavy or the anger too real. Is this the only way you knew how to fight? What were you fighting for in the first place? Was it for peace or respect or control or power or money? Indulge me, is there no other way to get this?
Someone said the real warriors are the ones who are fighting things that we have no idea about. I say, maybe it’s time to open up and share these things so we can fight together. Don’t ever let it get that bad. Don’t allow it to go there. Listen, don’t lose yourself. Maybe you’ve been fighting alone for long. But decide today to find someone who cares and get help. Maybe there is a better way to lighten these burdens, to solve these problems. But first things first, start by speaking up. Then move closer to whatever makes you smile. Day by day, you’ll find the love and light for your life in your heart. Always in your heart. But today? Speak up.